The article is developed in partnership with BetterHelp.
Getting over an ex after a breakup can be challenging, especially without closure. Closure is what allows people to move forward after being in a relationship, as it helps both parties understand why the relationship ended and come to accept this reality.
While talking about the fallout of their relationship typically helps people find closure, not every couple chooses to talk after they break up. For some people, talking only leads to more hurt and confusion, which begs the question: will talking to your ex after a breakup help you find closure? In this article, we’ll explore how to go about answering this question and discuss other ways to find closure even without a conversation.
To Talk Or Not To Talk
Deciding whether or not to talk to an ex after a breakup is a personal decision that must be weighed carefully. Continuing to speak with one’s ex may be healthy for one person or couple but not another, depending on the circumstances surrounding the relationship and breakup. In general, it may not be the smartest idea to talk to your ex if there was any abuse or mistreatment during the course of the relationship, including when it ended. Exposing yourself to potential harm again may put you in an even worse position than before.
If, however, you and your ex had a healthy relationship that ended from a mutual agreement, speaking with them may help you find closure. You may ask or answer questions during a closure conversation such as:
- “When do you first remember feeling like you wanted to break up with me?”
- “Is there anything you kept hidden from me?”
- “What could I have done better in our relationship?”
- “Do you think the breakup is my fault, yours, or both of ours?”
- “What did I do well in our relationship?”
- “Is there anything you regret about our relationship?”
- “Do you see us being friends, or should we follow the no-contact rule?”
- “Is there anything else you want to tell me or ask me?”
Having a conversation with your ex following a breakup can be difficult. If you need guidance during this process, connecting with an online therapist through a platform like BetterHelp could be beneficial.
For some, a calm, controlled conversation can bring closure after a breakup. For others, speaking with their ex could delay the healing process and expose them to greater harm. When deciding how to proceed, it’s important to think about the details of your relationship and remember that while a conversation could be productive, it could also take a turn for the worse. Keeping these considerations in the back of your mind can help you make the right decision for your unique situation.
Other Ways To Find Closure Without Contact
If you’ve decided that going no contact with your ex is the right path for you, know that there are other ways you can find closure. Consider the following:
- Unfollow them online: Seeing your ex continue to live their life on social media can make it more difficult to move on, as it may make you more focused on what they’re doing rather than concentrating on your own life and healing process. If you can’t bring yourself to unfollow them, try muting their posts instead so that they aren’t popping across your feed throughout the day.
- Vent to your loved ones: Spending time with loved ones and being able to talk through your feelings can be incredibly healing. They can offer support, guidance, and encouragement as you move forward and help you feel less lonely now that you don’t have your significant other.
- Speak with a therapist: Therapists can provide an extra layer of support that friends and family members may not be able to. These professionals can offer you helpful coping strategies and spot any signs of depression or anxiety that can be common after a breakup.
- Write your ex a letter: Writing your ex a letter and then throwing it away instead of actually sending it can help you express everything you need to get off your chest without ever having to speak with them. Likewise, writing down your thoughts and feelings may be healing in and of itself and allow you to remain in control of the situation.
- Focus on healing: During this time, it’s crucial to put all your energy into the healing process, as this can help set you up for success down the road. Instead of trying to keep up with what your ex is doing and how they’re feeling, concentrate on finding things that make you happy and help you heal.
Remember that moving on from a breakup takes time and doesn’t happen overnight. While it may be more emotionally difficult to heal without closure, it is possible when you have a support system and the right tools at your disposal.
Conclusion
When deciding whether to speak with your ex after a breakup, it’s essential not to compare your situation to others, as every relationship is different. If you feel that closure is something you need to move on, know that speaking with your ex isn’t your only option. Further, if you must speak with them, remember that you don’t have to meet up in person or put yourself in any situation that will make you unsafe or uncomfortable. By focusing on your needs and keeping your healing at the forefront of your mind, you can take steps that alleviate your heartbreak and allow you to rediscover what makes you happy.
