The article is developed in partnership with BetterHelp.
When a romantic relationship ends, it can be challenging to move on and adjust to life without your ex. The longer you were with them and the more experiences you shared, the harder it can be to get over them. While you can’t be expected to heal and forget about your ex from one day to the next, it is important to slowly be able to detach yourself from the relationship over time. When this feels impossible, and you can’t stop thinking about your ex, there could be many reasons why. In this article, we’ll explore five of the reasons you may not be over your ex, as well as offer a solution for each so that you can dedicate your energy to living your life to the fullest.
5 Reasons You May Not Be Over Your Ex
There are many potential explanations for why you may not be over your ex. Here are five to consider:
- Reason #1: You Haven’t Received Closure
Closure can help you find peace and acceptance after the end of your relationship. If you haven’t received closure yet, you could find yourself stuck ruminating on thoughts of why the relationship ended and whether it was the right choice to make. You may also wonder whether it was something you did or said and whether it could have been prevented.
Solution: You can get closure by having a conversation with your ex in which you each get to ask each other questions and explore why the relationship didn’t work out. Understanding your ex’s perspective and not having any unanswered questions can allow you to be at peace as you try to move on.
*Note that closure isn’t always possible and may not be practical or healthy in some cases. For example, if you had an ex who was abusive, continuing to speak with them could only delay your healing.
- Reason #2: You Still Follow Them On Social Media
Continuing to follow your ex on social media could be detrimental to your ability to move on from the breakup. If you keep seeing them living their life, and possibly even watching as they enter new relationships, you may find yourself distracted by what they’re doing rather than focusing on moving forward.
Solution: Unfollowing your ex on all social media platforms or at least muting their posts could help you concentrate on something other than what they’re up to. It can also give you time to concentrate on creating happiness in your own life.
- Reason #3: You Aren’t Happy With Yourself
Your self-esteem may have taken a hit from your previous relationship, and you might be left feeling unworthy of love and happiness. Not being happy with yourself and your life can keep you fixated on what life felt like when you were with your ex, and even if the breakup was for the best, you may feel as if it wasn’t the right choice.
Solution: Tapping into your passions, hobbies, and interests can help you learn to love yourself again. Leading a life that aligns with your values and chasing after your goals can ignite your sense of purpose, giving you more direction and self-assuredness as you move on from the relationship.
- Reason #4: You Haven’t Taken The Time To Heal
Suppressing your emotions or trying to distract yourself instead of taking the time you need to heal can cause you get to stuck on your ex. Emotional suppression is an unhealthy coping mechanism that doesn’t address the root of the issue; instead, it simply ignores it. While you may feel somewhat better by disregarding your emotions, they often come up more intensely later on.
Solution: It’s essential to let yourself grieve the relationship and everything else that came with it— whatever that may look like. Breakups are tough, and it takes time to let go of something that was once important to you. Healing isn’t linear, and you may need to find extra support to move on properly.
- Reason #5: You Feel Lonely
Loneliness can be detrimental to your mental health, causing you to feel depressed, anxious, or like you don’t belong. If you’re feeling lonely after a breakup, you might resort to thinking about your ex a lot. Perhaps you didn’t feel lonely when they were around because you spent a lot of time together or texted frequently. When someone is regularly involved in your life, getting used to life without them can be a difficult adjustment to make.
Solution: Surrounding yourself with a support network of people who love and care for you can alleviate the lonely feelings you may be experiencing. Friends, family members, and mentors can offer support, encouragement, advice, and guidance as you get back on your feet and remind you that you’re never alone.
If you’re struggling to move on after a breakup, connecting with a therapist could help. Therapy can help you get to the bottom of the rut you’re in and equip you with more tools to move forward with your life. To learn more about why you may still be thinking about or dreaming of your ex, visit www.betterhelp.com/advice/relations/why-do-i-keep-dreaming-about-my-ex/.
Conclusion
Getting stuck on an ex is normal, but there are ways to overcome this predicament. Focusing on yourself, leaning into your hobbies, and spending time with loved ones are just a few ways you can get your mind off the breakup. Continuing to care for yourself and seeking extra support as necessary can also help you move on. While your outlook may be bleak now, know that life can and does get better with time. You’ve been through something emotionally challenging, so try to remember to be patient with yourself as you heal and grow.
